"Guns don’t kill people — people do."
October 2009,
"Patience, two more years then you'll be free."
November 2011,
I'm free.........
"Aren't you going to work?!"
"You shouldn't be taking your license too early"
"Why do you want to go out? Can't you just stay home?"
"You can't just go out with your friends all the time, find something useful to do!"
"Why would you want a new phone?"
I feel like I shouldn't be complaining about this..but I can't take it anymore. Why isn't life on my side? Why can't I live my life as I please? During my sisters' years back then, we had a maid. They were totally dismissed from house chores and what not, and as soon as their spm's over, they were like a bird and I told myself "You're gonna be just like them" ...but no.
My sisters are clever, brainy, smart, or whatever it is they are. They had high scores on their exams. I'm not like them. I was spoiled, and my parents didn't ever trust me after what happened to me during 2008 (the worst year ever). Even though I got in to a private school, and I lived in a boarding school, do they actually know what I did there? Even if I studied my ass off every night, they wouldn't know, and if I told them that I did, they wouldn't trust me.
Luck was never on my side. Heck, nothing is. I did work hard for some things but still, it didn't turn out well for me. I guess its just not my time yet. I want to be like my sisters. I want my parents to look up to me...like how they do to my sisters. I know its impossible since I'm the stupidest, the most annoying and the most selfish of them all. But I can't help myself from being unloved, unneeded. I just hate myself so much right now. I feel useless. I can't do anything without feeling guilty, and I can't have what I want, since I was small. I've never had an mp3 player of my own. Even when I wanted a new phone, mom asked "What did you do to deserve this phone?" It was a crappy, crappy phone I tell you...yet I'm still using it.
I am very unhappy with my life lately and I am still trying to be patient, to be loyal to their needs...but patience has its limit...and I really don't want my limit to be reached, at all. Never. I love my family, I really do its just I don't feel like I belong to them...like I'm not apart of the family. I'm useless.
T