That feeling when your bestfriend has an admirer and you dont.
Why dont I have an admirer? I never had one before and for once, I want to be with the guy who I am proud with. The one who'll make every fucking pretty bitch jealous. I miss the feeling of loving someone.
I used to be with that guy. Wherever I'm with him, people look at me with the Bitch-I-wanna-be-you face. I was extremely happy.. but I blewed it all out. I shouldnt have broke his heart. I shouldnt be so selfish. You were the perfect one for me and you could pull on my shits everyday. I guess happiness wasnt on my side or is it isnt? Or maybe it was Karma?
I have discussed this with Anis for maybe 3/4 times already:-
Just when we're about to turn our face from him, he'll do something that'll change our mind. Just a short "Hi." or a simple "goodnight" will make us melt like a butter on a hot pancake.
And that is how I'm feeling right now. I havent been texting with P in a very long time... until he texted me telling that his text books are with the hostel matron. How nice of him, giving me his text books, without any payment?! So, by that one message of him made me go "OMGOMGOMGMOGOPMGHJZSBIBDBS" *fangirl scream*
I, too, have been supporting him throughout this SPM weeks. Today was his last paper and when he got home, he texted me, again, this time thanking me for being so supportive of him and that he misses me. NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! The only thing that is keeping me away from flirting with him and just fucking confess is that he has a girlfriend. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY on earth? I know I could make you happier than ever, but I wouldnt want to destroy your relationship with her, do I? That would make me a horrible person. I wouldnt want to be labelled as "penghancur rumah tangga". LOL Bahasa makes it all funny. Plus, I have a feeling that he doesnt feel the same way about me. But, the thing is, he's been giving me fixed signals for the past 2 months.
I have promised myself to just, confess everything after his last paper. I'm not ready. I dont think I ever will. But what if he likes me back? Just, what if?! Fuck logic. Hearts cant lie.
Maybe I'll tell him tomorrow. Or the next day. Or....never.
I'm just scared of his answer and respond -- of the truth. Oh well, maybe I'll just die alone :)
Head filled with anxiety,
Tykah